Kentucky Week...

The Record
4-1 (1-0 SEC East, 2-1 SEC), #11 AP Poll/#18 USAToday Coaches' Poll
Winning the type of game that Tommy Bowden always loses, Steve Spurrier guides the Gamecocks to what he calls “one of the best overall games, maybe the best, we've had in the three years I've been here.”

The Previous Week
Beat Mississippi State 38-21 in Columbia
Smelley looked sharp on an early drive as USC took a 7-0 lead, much to the delight of the disturbingly-sparse home crowd. It didn’t take the Gamecocks long to assert themselves in this one—announcing to the world that this year’s team is for real. Unfortunately, it didn’t take Mississippi State long to come right back—announcing to the world that this year’s Bulldog squad isn’t going to roll over.

After those 1st quarter salvos, things swung back-and-forth, with USC strolling into halftime with a thin 17-14 lead. Things were looking OK, but not nearly consistent enough to finish off Sylvester Croom’s much-improved Bulldogs. Halfway through, this one was still a toss-up. Surely the Gamecocks would come out clicking and clacking to start the second half—proving they were worthy of their #16 ranking.

But early into the second half, things were looking shakier that before. After a couple of seriously rough USC series, MSU took a 21-17 lead. Smelley was all over the place, we were piling up the penalties, and even our pimp kicker, Ryan Succop, missed a field goal.

Then, with the block of a punt, everything changed. After a couple of near-misses last week, we had finally blocked a kick, and Shane Beamer had earned his paycheck. Under his guidance, the special teams have steadily improved every week. And now that we’ve tasted some of that Beamer Ball magic, our opponents will be on-notice. Don’t let your guard down, or you’ll be on the ass end of a Pontiac Game-Changing Performance.

From that point on…it was over. We got touchdowns. The crowd was into it. And the defense was stifling. Coach Spurrier finally had his complete game.

The Upcoming Week
Thursday versus Kentucky in Columbia
While the Gamecocks have been compiling an admirable 4-1 start, the Kentucky Wildcats have attracted even more national acclaim—running out to a 5-0 record and a #8 national ranking.

Who saw this coming? Seriously? ESPN is probably crapping their pants as a #8 vs. #11 showdown got dropped in their laps…on a Thursday night. While it was not a stretch a month ago to call this one an important game, did anyone really think the game would take on an importance of this magnitude?

Every Gamecock who walked out of Commonwealth Stadium last year knew that we had barely survived. A game that we all thought had been in hand had suddenly turned dangerous, as Kentucky roared back and took a Hail Mary shot at the end for a win. Spurrier was pissed—infamously calling out Ron Cooper for an explanation on what happened. But as the season went on, Kentucky continued to win (including a hilarious victory over Clemson in the Music City Bowl). And by the end of the season, no one could deny that Rich Brooks had done the unthinkable and had started to build a legitimate program at Kentucky.

Which brings us to Thursday. The winner will take control of the SEC East, with Florida heading into a chainsaw down in Baton Rouge, and Georgia and Tennessee locked in a veritable elimination game in Knoxville. It’s starting to be a bit of a cliché around here, but is it not too far-fetched to call this one of the biggest games in Carolina history? The winner will be guaranteed a spot in next week’s Top 10, be in control of their own destiny, and stake their claim as “the new kid in charge” of the SEC East. The loser will go home dreaming of what might have been.

The Team
It wasn’t always pretty, but the offense clicked more often than not, eventually racking up 38 points. Smelley now has a bona fide conference victory under his belt and the confidence of his teammates. Boyd and Davis are continuing to successfully mix it up on the ground, something we will need to do with authority this week against Kentucky’s suspect rushing defense.

The defense stepped-up with the loss of Jasper Brinkley and finally kept an opponent’s rushing attack in check. At the same time, our passing defense moved up one spot in the rankings…to #1 in the country. But all of that means nothing as they face their first real test of the season in the high-flying Wildcats.

And the special teams…all of a sudden, they are truly special. For the first time in…who knows how long…maybe forever…I feel confident that we can make a game-changing play on special teams.

The Gamecock Nation
For years, we’ve been spoon-fed laudations about how we are the greatest fans in the country. And while we’ve been enjoying the praise, we’ve gotten fat and lazy. I’ve been to every Carolina home game since 1996, and its hard not to notice a trend. During the meat of the Lou Holtz years, The W-B was packed out, even for most of the crap games. But now, even though we’re a much better team, our stadium is noticeably emptier for our non-marquee games.

Well finally, someone has lashed out…that someone being Steve Spurrier. This morning on his weekly coach’s show, he launched a salvo at our fans, challenging them to attend every game…even the pedestrian ones like Mississippi State. It’s shameful that our fans have become so pansy-assed that they need their head coach to beg for them to come to games.

What the hell has happened to our so-called “loyal” fans? Hell, you can’t even call them fair-weather fans, because it was fucking gorgeous in Columbia on Saturday, and they STILL weren’t there. When you’re more concerned about the traffic on Bluff Road than the tackling on the field, you need to re-evaluate your priorities and roll-over your dead-weight season tickets to any one of the thousands of fans who would love to have your seats.

So if you can’t, for whatever pathetic reason, make it up to Columbia this Thursday, please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, give your tickets to someone who will.

Dear Urban Meyer, Tim Tebow, et al...

Karma is a bitch.

Sincerely,
Ryan Succop

Clemson/Georgia Tech...a disaster waiting to happen

On a roll and rising fast in the polls, Clemson is a team gaining heat on the national scene. Off to a 4-0 start against some unquestionably super-awesome competition, the Tigers look like they just might be the best team in the ACC. Which is kind of like saying Ricky Martin is the best member of Menudo.

Georgia Tech is heading into a tailspin...hard and fast. Looking good at 2-0, they've tanked the last two against an admittedly good BC team and...Virginia? Really? Virginia? Things are not looking good down at GT, and I'm not just talking about the coeds.

To most people, this would sound like a mismatch. But to people who know the history of this series...and especially the history of Tommy Bowden...it sounds like it's the perfect time for Clemson to shit their pants.

After more than eight years in Tigertown, Tommy's legacy is already etched in stone. Sure, he can win some big games, pull off a few upsets, but he will always, ALWAYS, drop a total turd at some point during the season. Wake, Duke, Wake again...it doesn't matter. Just when things start to look rosy, a land mine of crap will explode all over their faces, sending the locals into hysterics. The fans will question all they hold dear, until Tommy rises from the dead, again delivering an upset victory. Then another moment of incontinence, then another monumental victory...and so on.

Well friends, it's time for Tommy to drop another Howard's Rock-sized deuce into the laps of the Tiger faithful.

But you never know; it might not be this week. Tommy strung the delusional Tigers along all the way to an 8-0 record in 2000 before they fell...at home...leading to these wonderful pictures...to Georgia Tech. But even if they get past the Yellow Jackets this time, the flaming bag of poo is still out there. Whether it be GT, Maryland, Duke, or Wake...it's coming. Have your Depends ready, Clemson fans. Because you know you can feel it coming...and when it does...you're gonna need a new O-ring.

(Photos courtesy the fine folks at The Hive)

#95–#91 of...

Since some people are still hungover from the LSU game, let's use this humpday to make a clean break. Forget about football for one night and get some culture. But before you head to Blockbuster, take a gander at these questionable classics in our continuing Top 100 countdown.

#95 - Moulin Rouge! (2001)
This movie is on crack. I’m not kidding…it should come with its own epilepsy warning. Within the first batshit crazy 15 minutes, you already know whether you’re going to love it or hate it—and I love every single absinthe-soaked second of it. While I’m hardly a romantic soul, this movie is SO stupidly romantic, SO wrapped up in its own insanity, you just can’t peel your eyes away. Or...you might just think it's the most horrifying thing you've ever seen.

#94 - Full Metal Jacket (1987)
There are “training is hell” movies and there are “war is hell” movies. This one is both. Like two sides of the same record, each half has its own vibe while working together toward the same Kubrickian goal. Unfortunately, Jacket tends to get lost in the Kubrick shuffle when compared to his earlier stuff. Sure, it spawned a romantic 2 Live Crew ode to horniness and created a cottage "Hey, it's that Marine guy" industry for R. Lee Ermey, but it deserves to be remembered for a lot more than that. Me love you long time.

#93 - Fantasia (1940)
Only Mickey Mouse could get little kids to sit still and listen to classical music for two hours. In this age of Shreks where every animated movie is over-stuffed with endless (and soon-to-be-dated) pop culture references, it’s refreshing to some good old pure, timeless animation. It’s a shame there’s not much of an audience for a movie like this today...not enough Starbucks jokes.

#92 - Miller’s Crossing (1990)
Probably the Coens' best, but still one of their least seen. It’s without a doubt right up there in the pantheon of gangster flicks. Absolutely classic is the wacky, hyper-violent “musical number/assassination action sequence” involving Albert Finney, a tommy gun, and some assassins—all set to the song “Danny Boy.” Just think The Godfather plus O Brother, Where Art Thou?. If you like either of those movies, you owe it to yourself to see this one.

#91 - Clerks (1994)
An inspiration to anyone who has ever worked behind a counter and dealt with the stupidity of the average customer. This is the movie that started the six-movie cult “Jay and Silent Bob” franchise. And that’s not even including their epic appearance in Scream 3. This tiny little movie’s impact was huge—helping to put indie movies on the map. Great soundtrack, too.

The rest of the countdown so far...
#100-#96

Cocks beware...exceptionaly clever MSU fans will pumble you with their smack

Normally, I wouldn't take a shot at a kid...for fear of being berated by Mike Gundy. But this picture, taken during last year's College World Series, deserves comment.

Here we have a young State fan that was clearly just set up for failure. Allowed to craft this sign by his dictionary-deficient parents—and a proud product of our country's 48th Smartest State—little Billy Bulldog never had a chance. So give a wide grammatical berth to MSU fans this weekend in The W-B, lest you be pumbled.

(Photo courtesy of a reader at the awesome With Leather)

This lapdance needs more cowbell

Straight from Starkghanistan, I bring you some of Mississippi State's finest. As an exotic dancer, this young Bulldog's form leaves a lot to be desired. But I think I see some offensive line potential here. Look at the perfect stance, the lateral movement, the ability to get low to the ground...someone get Coach Croom on the phone, ASAP.

Oh, and get me a barf bag while you're at it.

Mississippi State Week...

The Record
3-1 (1-0 SEC East, 1-1 SEC), #16 AP Poll/#21 USAToday Coaches' Poll
Losing is never good. But when you lose and then only drop four spots, you must be doing something right.

The Previous Week
Lost to LSU 28-16 in Baton Rouge
We all learned a tough lesson from SOS after the Auburn game last year…don’t cheer for your team when they lose. So I wasn’t cheering in celebration last Saturday night, but walking back to our car from Death Valley, I couldn’t help but feel pretty good about the whole experience. Considering the 48-7 depantsing Virginia Tech got down there a few weeks ago, our Gamecocks came out looking practically victorious. I’m not sure whether that says more about how hilariously awful the ACC is or how much progress USC has made in becoming competitive against any SEC team anywhere. Losing by only 12 in the brutally oppressive home stadium of the nation’s best team appears downright courageous compared to what most people thought might happen.

But you could turn that score inside and out still not figure out quite what it means, though. I’ll be the first to admit that it FELT like we lost by more than that. But upon closer inspection, one LSU touchdown was on special teams, and another was surrendered on a short field after a turnover. I expected big things out of our defense, but they surpassed even those expectations by really only giving up two honest-to-goodness scoring drives against the Bayou Bengals.

The offense is another story. Unable to find a running game against the LSU defense (I can’t wait to see what they do to Tebow), we turned to the air…and eventually to Chris Smelley. It’s not that Blake was horrible, it’s just that he wasn’t getting things done. When you quarterback for Steve Spurrier, you are expected to get your team into the end zone…period. When you don’t, it’s time to find someone who can. Smelley turned out to be that guy. He wasn’t stellar either, but he got us going in the 4th quarter, making things a lot more respectable.

The Upcoming Week
Saturday versus Mississippi State in Columbia
The Chris Smelley Experience gets underway for real this Saturday. The team is now his. Screw it up, and we’re back to Mitchell. Yep, we’ve got ourselves a Steve Spurrier Quarterback Controversy™! SOS has jerked around QBs to great success, so it should be fun to see what the competition evolves into this Saturday.

But how about that opponent…Mississippi State? 3-1 and playing with a lot more spunk than last year’s team, the Bulldogs are not a team to be overlooked. By beating Auburn, they announced to the rest of the SEC that they are genuinely up for a fight. Honestly they’re the perfect competition for us this weekend. If Smelley were to go nuts against Southwest Dingleberry State, what could we seriously take from it? Mississippi State is a good team that is certainly capable of beating us, so a win on Saturday would be a win well deserved…regardless of whoever is leading the charge.

The Team
A 12-point loss at LSU should not hurt our team’s morale in the slightest. This was, by far, the most daunting game on our schedule. And to perform that admirably, they should believe they can beat anyone.

But for the Gamecocks to make it to Atlanta, we’re going to have to overcome a lot more than our own insecurities. This afternoon, news came from the team that Jasper Brinkley is now done for the season. The linchpin for our highly-ranked defense, Jasper was without a doubt the straight-up nastiest Gamecock to take the field in years. And in a defense whose only one true weakness is run defense, losing a future NFL first round linebacker is even more of a kick to the gut. Who will step up? Ingram? Shackleford? This is a crippling blow that must be overcome before Kentucky’s pinball machine offense comes into town for next week’s monster matchup.

The Gamecock Nation
When you’re in the hunt for conference championships, moral victories just aren’t going to cut it. But even with the defeat in Death Valley and the loss of Brinkley, we still have every reason to be confident that this team can be special. Is that a moral victory? Maybe, but if my belief in this team is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

Looking ahead, it’s hard not to salivate over a 7-1 record and Top 10 ranking heading into Knoxville. It’s right there on the schedule just waiting to be taken. A Top 15 showdown with Kentucky next Thursday looms as a huge roadblock to that dream, but beat MSU this week and we could be in for something epic.