The Truth About Kenneth Page

There are a lot of rumors going around about that infamous Kenneth Page MySpace picture. You know, the one where he's holding about $10,000 cash. Or it looks like he's holding $10,000 cash.

The Fake

Well, in this day and age of PhotoShop, you can't trust everything you see. And now the truth has come out...

The Original

Shame on YOU, internet, for besmirching the reputation of a fine young man. And an animal lover, at that.

Tense Bowden hostage situation nears resolution

"Give me more money or the coach gets it!"

Looks like the treading-water will continue at Clemson. Rumors abound that Tommy is about to ink a lucrative ($2.2 million!!!) contract to stay in Tigertown. If this is true, Bowden will have orchestrated one of the most blatant — and befuddling — cash-grabs this side of Sabanation. Arkansas got played and this "good Christian man" straight-up robbed the Clemson piggy bank.

What exactly is Clemson paying for? Tiger fans go on endlessly about "demanding excellence" and "producing championships." Yet, in nine years, Tommy Bowden has delivered nothing.

Except one thing.

Beating South Carolina.

For all their talk of belonging in the football elite and demanding more than 8-win seasons, this last-ditch attempt at luring Tommy back only proves one thing...all he has to do is beat South Carolina. Lose to Wake? Fire Tommy! Beat USC? Contract extension! Lose to Duke? Fire Tommy! Beat USC? Contract extension! Get reamed at home by Virginia Tech? Fire Tommy! Beat USC? Contract extension!

Go ahead and keep talking about championships, Clemson fans. But as long as you keep paying this man more and more for only beating South Carolina, you're revealing your true aspirations and rewarding a man for nothing more than mediocrity.

Is Tommy ready to end this abusive relationship?

Leave? Me? Noooooo...you guys have treated me so well!

As of 12:46am, the Tommy Bowden to Arkansas rumors are really starting to pick up steam. Why? I can't even begin to figure out why this makes sense for either party. But wouldn't it be hilarious...after nine years of not winning the ACC championship, not winning the little games, and just not being Danny Ford...Tommy might bolt town? And just when Tiger fans were starting to warm up to him.

Judging by these responses on HawgSports.com, Tommy might be heading into a grumpy shitstorm of malcontents just like the one he left. Some choice comments:

"I think we just traded in a 1998 Ford Taurus for a 1999 Ford Taurus with similar miles. And we lost our ass in the process! What was the point?"

"FIRE BOWDEN...I would rather take my chances with Gus...FRACKING, MUTHER FRACKERS!!! Screw the UA and their athletic program!!!"

"Houston, we love you....come back to us."

"Bowden hire not what the fan base needs...not what the school needs, not a commitment to improving the football program IMO. WTF is going on up there?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"If we got rid of Nutt for Bowden...we took a step backwards"

"Bowden has only proven he is capable of medicority in the ACC."

"We know what Tommy Bowden can do and he could not carry Houston's jock strap."

"The destruction of the program is complete....unbelievable."

Just gives you the warm and fuzzies, huh?

Fun with stats!

• Clemson punts blocked in Tommy Bowden's 7-year tenure, according to Tommy Bowden: 0
• Clemson punts blocked in Tommy Bowden's 7-year tenure, according to facts: 12

Close enough.

But what about Thunder and Lightning...

...or, as Mike Patrick christened them, Mild and Partly Cloudy? Either James Davis and CJ Spiller are the most overrated running back duo of all time or Tommy Bowden is the worst squanderer of talent of all time. I think it's probably the latter.

Coming into the season, I would have told you that Clemson's RB duo was probably better than Carolina's. But now I'm not so sure. The stats don't lie...Tommy Bowden does.

The Bowden Pick...Zapruder style

After an arduous search, we have finally uncovered a passable-quality video of The Bowden Pick. But this is not just a quick pick, ladies and gentlemen. This is a full-scale boring operation into the nether regions of Baby Bowden's nasal cavity. This is a journey into previously uncharted territory. This is the stuff of Jules Verne. Many boogers died to bring us this information.

If only he had spent more time gameplanning than mining for nose-nuggets, maybe his Tigers would still be undefeated. But alas, they were shot down by Georgia Tech in the annual Tommy Bowden Presents: A Clemson Tiger Depantsing™.


(HD quality photo courtesy the fine folks at The Hive)

Clemson/Georgia Tech...a disaster waiting to happen

On a roll and rising fast in the polls, Clemson is a team gaining heat on the national scene. Off to a 4-0 start against some unquestionably super-awesome competition, the Tigers look like they just might be the best team in the ACC. Which is kind of like saying Ricky Martin is the best member of Menudo.

Georgia Tech is heading into a tailspin...hard and fast. Looking good at 2-0, they've tanked the last two against an admittedly good BC team and...Virginia? Really? Virginia? Things are not looking good down at GT, and I'm not just talking about the coeds.

To most people, this would sound like a mismatch. But to people who know the history of this series...and especially the history of Tommy Bowden...it sounds like it's the perfect time for Clemson to shit their pants.

After more than eight years in Tigertown, Tommy's legacy is already etched in stone. Sure, he can win some big games, pull off a few upsets, but he will always, ALWAYS, drop a total turd at some point during the season. Wake, Duke, Wake again...it doesn't matter. Just when things start to look rosy, a land mine of crap will explode all over their faces, sending the locals into hysterics. The fans will question all they hold dear, until Tommy rises from the dead, again delivering an upset victory. Then another moment of incontinence, then another monumental victory...and so on.

Well friends, it's time for Tommy to drop another Howard's Rock-sized deuce into the laps of the Tiger faithful.

But you never know; it might not be this week. Tommy strung the delusional Tigers along all the way to an 8-0 record in 2000 before they fell...at home...leading to these wonderful pictures...to Georgia Tech. But even if they get past the Yellow Jackets this time, the flaming bag of poo is still out there. Whether it be GT, Maryland, Duke, or Wake...it's coming. Have your Depends ready, Clemson fans. Because you know you can feel it coming...and when it does...you're gonna need a new O-ring.

(Photos courtesy the fine folks at The Hive)